


Speechless

by rotomtoms (variola_in_c_major)



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters: Black & White | Pokemon Black and White Versions, Pocket Monsters: Black 2 & White 2 | Pokemon Black 2 & White 2 Versions
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Awkward Crush, Childhood Friends, F/M, First Love, Frustration, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Love Confessions, Misunderstandings, centered around the word 'less'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-17 21:31:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9347081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/variola_in_c_major/pseuds/rotomtoms
Summary: On one hand, Bianca is the kind of person who bottles up her emotions. And on the other hand, Cheren is the kind of person who doesn't like to admit even having emotions. Needless to say, it is problematic.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, it's me, Jessy, ~~the author who should be working on SIASL or SOOF,~~ writing another fanfiction that starts with the letter S because ~~apparently I must have deep-seated issues concerning the letter.~~ Today, I bring you my attempt at keeping things short! I shipped Cheren and Bianca when I first played Black and White, something I'm not 100% sure I stand behind after the "it's been two years, hasn't it" bullshit from BW2, but regardless, I feel that I should pay homage to it, since canon refuses to.

From the moment that Touko had won the championship of Unova, something had shifted in the dynamics of friendship between her, Cheren and Bianca. And maybe it had been a long time coming, a miscalculation of just how apart all of them had grown, but the day that she departed Unova in her quest to locate the missing Plasma King, N, was—whether by coincidence or fate—the day where the situation truly took the quality of reality for everyone involved. Seeing her ascend into the clouds that so influenced Unova’s heritage, on Reshiram’s back, it finally sunk in.

They were not the same people they had been a year ago. Not even close.

Maybe the changes spurred by the rise of Team Plasma and the peril of their journey had been good, as they indicated a sign of growth, a sign of progress as they developed into adults. But either way, the perspectives of the three had all been drastically altered since leaving home, and it seemed to become unspoken, common law following the fall of Team Plasma and the crowning of the new champion, that there was nothing left for them to discuss, or even do anymore.

And for Bianca, it was a bit much. The research assistant position she was offered by Professor Juniper served as a distraction of sorts, but it did little to fill the void in her chest left by Touko leaving to pursue the “love of her life” and Cheren drifting away in the study of becoming stronger. She felt completely and utterly alone. But, per her usual, peppy personality, she buried those emotions and tried not to let it bother her.

She went about her daily business, sinking countless hours interest and thought into her occupation and was subsequently promoted fairly early on in her field. She traveled the region and collected data from Pokemon she had never seen or heard of before receiving her assignments. She tried very, very hard not to think about the emptiness throbbing beyond her rib cage, and for a while, it worked.

Until she saw Cheren again in Driftveil City. It was under nonnegotiable circumstances; she was on a tight schedule to visit the Weather Institute to check out a unique Deerling they had captured with the ability Serene Grace. Driftveil was the closest destination her Swanna could descend to without running into trainers. Bianca had ceased battling since Route 10, unless it was of necessity, and she didn’t plan on reigniting a passion that never existed for the sake of satisfying some kid’s desire to toss Pokemon in their first evolutionary stages into battle to toughen them up against seasoned fighters. 

She didn’t mean to sound so bitter, but battling was reminiscent of the friends she didn’t seem to have anymore. It wasn’t as though Touko sent postcards from whatever far away land she was perusing in her search for N. And Cheren—well, Cheren had been looking for an excuse to drop her since they were in middle school, and he had finally gotten the chance to go through with it following Touko’s flight out of Nimbasa. 

He was standing outside the Pokemon Center, and it took a few moments to recognize him at first, but ultimately, the dead giveaway was that sly smirk he always had when he was explaining something academic, in this case to a young woman who looked barely younger than them. She debated turning and going, leaving this situation behind, like she probably should’ve, had she any common sense. But unfortunately, Bianca was Bianca, and the unfailing sense of nostalgia was ever present in the air, as was the idea of maybe—just maybe—the two of them, as well as Touko, coming together to be like they had been before their journeys. So she walked over. A mistake, if there ever was one.

When she came close, she recognized the woman as Skyla, the gym leader of the flying-type facility in Mistralton City. She was dressed surprisingly modest, which had been what threw Bianca off, but regardless, she still emitted that grace and charisma that the blonde had always lacked, and if that weren’t enough to make Bianca regret her decision, Cheren’s reaction to seeing her certainly was. When he turned, mouth about to open in the hopes of saying something, it took on an astonished look instead as he spotted her, quickly recomposing himself before clearing his throat and speaking first. “Bianca. Hello. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah. It has. How are you?” She was good at masking her emotions. The smile she had spent the past seventeen years cultivating made an appearance as she stopped before the two of them, cocking her head slightly to the side and hiding the distress that had been brewing in her eyes. 

“Good. I was actually asked by Alder to become a gym leader.”

“Really? That’s amazing. Congratulations! You deserve it!”

He did, to some extent. He was strong, but he was also far too harsh, something that had let up on his journey when it came to his Pokemon, but had seen no change when it came to his disappointment in Bianca. Not that she needed to impress him or anything. It wasn’t as though she had ever asked for his opinion in any matter, or requested a review of her performance as a functioning person, yet, he felt it necessary to point out all her flaws anyway. She had tried not to let it get to her. Emphasis on tried.

“Thank you.” He glanced at Skyla with a note of pride before inquiring, “And you? What have you been up to these past few weeks?”

She wasn’t certain if his wording was intended to reflect a lack of temporal knowledge or if he phrased the question such that it actually did mean what he had said. With Cheren, it was difficult to tell, and it always had been. She used to admire that shrewd, calculating nature of his, when he could rattle off facts in the blink of an eye and come up with conclusions to problems she would take hours to study.

“Nothing much. A bit of traveling. Professor Juniper hired me as her assistant.”

“Wow. That’s…impressive.” He straightened the tie hanging from his collared shirt, averting his gaze in the direction of Skyla, who was smiling warmly at her, hands pressed together in a cute pose. “Congratulations yourself.”

However he was able to keep his composure when the two had not spoken for months, she wasn’t certain, but it was making her mad, whatever it was. She pressed her lips together in a straight line, attempting to force a cheerful smile, but for once, she found herself unable. “Right. I suppose you must have been busy lately, huh?”

Cheren’s expression changed in an instant, as the pang of guilt began to echo within her like a resounding bell. Even though she knew she didn’t need to feel bad, necessarily, she was trained to, from years of her father yelling at her, for screwing up menial tasks to simply uttering a word at the wrong moment. The freedom to be herself was something she had cherished above all else when it came to her involvement with Cheren and Touko, and although she did take some advantage of it, she still remained trembling in her father’s dark shadow when confrontation arose. So, as one might expect, Bianca was a people-pleaser at her best, and even at her moderate, but currently, she was at a stage lesser than either of those, one that manifested her childhood issues and turned them into a words that would’ve made her a moving target at her house.

“A bit, yes. You sound like you have been busy yourself though, correct? I think it is very beneficial for all of us to take time to find ourselves, Bianca. Not just Touko.”

Finding herself, huh? That was an interesting thought for sure, but not one she was currently intending to pursue. Bianca had always had a very positive outlook on life, or so she tried to project, and maybe once upon a time, she had believed in such a sunny perspective, but every day, it seemed to grow dimmer and dimmer in her eyes, bordering the sunset.

She didn’t like how Cheren said her name. Simpering, as though he knew better. Cheren always thought he knew better of course, and usually, he did, but it was beside the point. Humility should be one of the qualities he improved on this alleged self-discovery of his, she thought to herself bitterly. And maybe that was something she should work on, while he was hard at work at bettering himself: her own resentment towards others who had scorned her. Despite what she had been through on her journey, Bianca had not yet let up on thinking that she deserved to be happy. Although, that didn’t mean she had her doubts.

Like right then, for instance. “You should be kinder,” she spoke softly, more to the ground than Cheren, but her lips didn’t move, and not a word was uttered. Again, she had only mentioned the thought in her mind, too terrified to make a move in reality lest she be berated. She wasn’t even sure why she so loathed the idea of it anymore though, to be honest. It barely affected her at this point. She had already heard it all. Hopeless. Talentless. Useless. 

So many uses of the suffix “less,” but never the way they were used in comparison to Touko, Cheren and N. Fearless. Flawless. Ruthless. Dauntless. They were brave, and strong, and even with the added suffix, they overcame it somehow. But not Bianca, for some reason. She had been left behind, not just figuratively, but literally. 

And it took every ounce of strength she had in her body not to scream about it. What is so wrong with me? She wondered to herself. Why does he think he can look at me like that? Because he’s smart? I’m smart too. Maybe not in the same way, but isn’t that makes us that much better for each other?

That sentence brought her quiet contemplation to a halt. Oh. So that was it, then. What bothered her so much about Cheren was that she liked him, more than a friend, despite how awful he had been to her on their journey, and although she knew he had not meant it in maliciousness, it didn’t mean it didn’t sting. Even then, it still stung, standing in Driftveil City, where all things seemed to begin and end in Unova. And Bianca had thought the silly crush was out of her system at this point. But looking at him standing in front of the Pokemon Center, dressed particularly on point, with his eyes burning brightly with the confidence and resolve of a new Gym Leader out to prove himself, apparently that was not the case.

She wanted to sigh. “Well, it was nice seeing you, but I am afraid I must depart shortly to Mistralton. I am going to be making a flight to Aspertia City, on the other side of the region.” Cheren was talking in a rushed tone, sweat beads starting to gather on his neck after a few moments of pulling around his red tie in what was obviously discomfort from her being there. He didn’t meet her eyes as he waved and turned to leave.

How could he be so cold after all of this time? She watched Skyla’s frame as she followed behind him, hair bouncing perkily along the way. Not a glance was thrown Bianca’s way before the two had disappeared out of sight, leaving the young blonde standing outside the Pokemon Center, seemingly frozen to the pavement. She didn’t know what to say, or to do. Everything had been so much simpler when Touko was there, always interjecting a sassy word into their banter. Had Bianca and Cheren only become friends because of her? Was she required to maintain their relationship?

She had wanted more than anything to say something moments ago. Anything. But fear, her eternal enemy, had held her back, in anticipation that he might simply roll his eyes at her, or throw out a snide, exasperated remark like the snob he was. God, it would’ve have been great if she had liked someone else. Anyone else, actually. Even N, as awful as that sounds, considering Touko had been pining horribly over the vanished prince since long before their confrontation at the League, regardless of whether or not she knew it. Bianca would have given anything to not have to experience the emptiness engulfing her heart at the moment.

But no one was offering her a deal. This was her life, take it or leave it. So, after a few long seconds of staring aimlessly at the sign of the Pokemon Center, she finally managed to turn on her heel and pry her other foot from the ground to begin walking. Maybe Cheren had been right about all of them needing to find themselves. Even if the other two seemed relatively put-together, they were all still just teenagers. She couldn’t put the blame of her life on her hormones, excluding the crush on Cheren, so perhaps should embark on a quest of self-discovery. It sounded corny, but that was right up Bianca’s alley.

If they didn’t love her, she would have to make them, Cheren included. Traveling around and avoiding her problems had resulted in the emotions currently welling up inside of her, so a change of plans was necessary. She would prove to everyone that she was “less” in the most spectacular way possible, right on par with her best friends.

But how to go about doing that? Was there even such a way that existed? Bianca was already trying her best to “be herself,” and that wasn’t enough for him, or her father. Equating the two felt unfair, especially taking into consideration that her parent was the significantly harsher of the two when it came to dishing out insults. Was she overestimating the distaste Cheren had towards her? She had always been sensitive, which wasn’t ideal for being a traveling companion of his, but oddly enough, the two had meshed well on occasions before this. What were so different about those compared to after Touko left?

It was a struggle to remember back so far, and recall in intimate detail the information she was seeking, but it didn’t take very long for her to halt in the middle of the street at the realization. She had stood up for herself. The rare moments she had protested him, he had been stunned, before backing down quickly, without so much as another fighting word. And seconds later, he had smiled at her and continued the conversation, once going as far as to actually thank her for her input, and almost always paying some kind of considerate thought to her opinion on whatever matter they were discussing.

So, she needed to speak up! To tell him how she felt about how he had been acting! Maybe she was wrong, and it would only make matters between them worse, but at the rate they currently saw one another, what did that matter? Maybe if it ended horribly, then she would at last have the opportunity to establish some closure for herself and move on. And if not…

The urge to bust into a full-on sprint hit her body before her mind, and next thing she knew, her legs were picking themselves up and she was dashing down Route 6 at a pace she had never felt herself come anywhere close to, even when the Team Plasma grunts had been nipping at her heels. The soles of her feet felt like they were on fire, and if she stopped anywhere before hunting down Cheren and Skyla, she was certain that they would become immersed in flames. An odd sensation, but it kept her going, even as her heart rate increased, and she took a few seconds to slow down before the stumbling patches of grass on her path. 

No trainers dared look at her with their battle stances, Pokeballs at the ready. She didn’t even see them as she passed them by, disappearing across the bridge and racing around the bend to splash through large puddles of rainwater left by the storm earlier. Her bag seemed to float behind her as she sprinted, feeling more and more weightless with the further she ran, past the Weather Institute and her job, past the house where trainers could rest up before continuing onwards towards her destination: the Chargestone Cave.

There was not a moment of hesitation between the split second decision to enter the blue-illuminated space, where voltage snapped between the rocks and magnetized the very forces of nature within the space, and the action itself. She threw herself, head-first into the space, nearly stumbling as she lost her balance over a stone that was impossible to notice in her mad leap into the cave. Fortunately, she was able to quickly regain her balance, blood pumping vigorously throughout her entire frame as she straightened up, coming face to face with the very face she hoped to see.

“Did you run here? Good lord, Bi—“

“I have something very important to tell you! I-it couldn’t wait. Sorry. Just…uh…woo. Please let me catch my breath for a sec, Cheren. Hold on.” She keeled over, hands on her knees as she searched her brain for the right words to say in a situation like this. 

“You couldn’t have called me through the Xtransceiver?” Cheren inquired, eyebrows furrowed. If she didn’t know any better, she would have almost thought he looked genuinely concerned for her wellbeing, rather than annoyed at her entrance. “Jeez, how serious is this? Is Team Plasma back? Touko? N? Is she in trouble? Do I need to—?”

“I love you.”

“H-huh?!”

Well, she certainly could have been more tactful, but the words she was searching for so desperately, while Cheren prattled on about how dire the situation must have been for her to have ran there, turned out not being where she left them. So, she was left to improvise. And what was simpler than just telling the truth, plain and simple. So she had, meeting his gaze head on and holding it steadily as she hid her trembling hands behind her back. He couldn’t know how much anxiety this was causing her. How much bravery it took to accomplish this. How crushed she would be if it failed.

She couldn’t read his expression as his face went through a myriad of emotions she didn’t even know Cheren was capable of having. After a few moments of dead silence, where he appeared about ready to have an aneurysm, she spoke up, finally locating the words she had misplaced earlier in her confession. “I have for a long time, actually. And I was always way too scared to tell you, because, you know, you’re actually kind of a gigantic jerk sometimes. I figured not knowing would be better than you absolutely crushing me with your rejection of my feelings, but, with Touko gone…I-I have started reconsidering a lot of things in my life. And I thought you needed to know, if not for your sake, than for mine. I can’t keep holding onto this, especially since you’ve been avoiding me these past six months like I’m a carrier for some deadly disease. I-I’m not hiding anymore. Those are my feelings in their most basic form. Nothing more, nothing less. S-So…um…yeah. There you go. I-I…I-I’ll start heading back to Driftveil now.”

She didn’t get the chance to turn even minutely before he had strode forward and grabbed her wrist with a firm grip, eyebrows knit together in intensity as he met her green eyes with his brown ones. A small number of seconds passed before he was able to finally edge out some broken words between them. “You ran all the way here to tell me that?”

She wasn’t sure how to react, so a deft nod was all that she was able to muster in response, at which point, Cheren drew back slightly, releasing her wrist with a surprisingly soft touch and turning around, mumbling inaudibly as he walked. His expression was still unreadable. Was he exasperated with her yet again? Annoyed that she had traveled with such haste from Driftveil to tell him something so trivial? God, the thought alone filled her with anger. Maybe he deserved to know about that.

Bianca released a frustrated growl before starting into her relatively quiet rant. “Y-You know what, if it makes you uncomfortable for me to like you so much, then just say so. I can take it. You and everyone else, you guys can say whatever you want to me. It isn’t as if I haven’t been called worthless, or talentless, or just generally ‘less,’ before! I am used to it. It doesn’t affect me.”

Another silence endured several minutes before she heard another audible noise out of the young man standing in the middle of the cavern, as he turned on his heel to look at her with a masked expression, inquiring, “Was I among the people who have called you that?”

“…Yes. You called me hopeless, first day of our journey.” She spoke with no tone inflection whatsoever. What he had said back then no longer hurt her. She had just brushed that off like she had brushed off everything else in her life. It meant nothing.

“…” Cheren took a long while before meeting her gaze again, but when he did, it was swimming in emotions, turmoil being the most evident. “Bianca.”

“I-It’s okay. I’m going to go back to DRiftveil. You don’t have to tell me that you find me ‘deplorable’ or whatever. I’ll just leave now.”

“I don’t find you deplorable. I think you’re…” She braced herself for the impact of whatever adjective he was about to use. What would it be this time? A nicer version of pointless? Pure-hearted? Of good intentions? “…I think you’re amazing.”

She was positive she misheard him. 

“Honestly. I-I know I don’t always act like it. Maybe I never act like it. And you definitely deserve to be treated better than how I have done so in the past, but I assure you that was my entire purpose in taking my distance between us. I wanted to be…better. Not just for you, but for myself as well. I’m not very happy with the person I am, Bianca. I’m not satisfied with who I have been at all, and I don’t merely want to be better. I need to be, which is why I’m going to Aspertia City.”

He continued onwards physically before she was even able to open her mouth to say something, likely inconsequential, taking steps forward until he stood about a foot away. The close proximity let her catch the story playing out behind the expression he was trying to keep hidden from her to the best of his ability. “I…I am sorry.”

Right. Her heart sunk in a slow-motion set, the surroundings around her slowing to a still as it began to fall, slipping through its ribbons and becoming submerged by the despair that overtook her at the words. I’m sorry. I don’t feel the same. It had been her expectation but…damn. She hadn’t expected it to hurt as badly as it did. “It’s alright,” she kept her voice steady, casting her sights downward. She couldn’t look at him at that moment. It would’ve just rubbed salt in the wound.

“But…I am glad you told me how you feel.” Great, she thought to herself, ready to bite her tongue hard enough to draw blood just to offer up a distraction from whatever ‘it isn’t you, it’s me’ crap he was about to pull. She wasn’t in the mood, to be frank. There were other tasks to be accomplished, ones that she could focus on much easier than deal with this wreck of a situation she had caused.

What he said next, however, contradicted her entirely. “After Touko left, I figured that drifting apart would be the most logical next step for the two of us, but I never expected to miss you as much I did. I suppose…for being learned in battling and books, I do have a tendency to miss the obvious from time to time. I apologize for that. Maybe if I had, then perhaps, you would not have been hurt by it. So…I have to ask. On that note…would you…consider coming to Aspertia with me?”

Bianca could’ve spent an eternity swimming through the confusing mass of what Cheren had just verbally stated, not to mention implied. She couldn’t make any sense of it, no matter how she attempted to slide the pieces together. The edges were missing, as was the context, which was likely where she found herself conveniently puzzled. “…Cheren…I don’t…understand. Why would you ask me to come to Aspertia with you after you just said you don’t feel the same about me as I do about you? I-I’m going to need some space after this, potentially forever. And—“

“I didn’t say that! Where in the world did you get that from?” Cheren cocked his head to the side, sliding his hand into a partial facepalm, fingers spread so that he could still look at her with a somewhat pained expression. “I never said I didn’t return your feelings. I do. That is why I am asking you to come with me.”

Okay, no, now she definitely misheard him. “What?!” She demanded, the noise coming out as some kind of cross between a shriek and a distressed cry. She aggressively took a step forward and stood on her toes to try and match his height, failing miserably. “Is this some kind of joke?! Or are you being serious right now? You actually like me?”

“Surely it can’t be that difficult to believe. You have the tendency to render me speechless fairly easy. Were you really not aware of that?” At her obviously distraught expression, he raised his eyebrows, seemingly in disbelief. “Bianca. I think you are lovely. I thought I made that clear.”

“W-Well, you didn’t.” She felt the tears welling up in the addition to the pool of emotions that had been building at the bottom of her chest since she had first started running. But not all of them were negative. Most of them, to her pleasant surprise, were cheerful, relieved, and other positive emotions. “But since you asked so nicely, sure. I-I guess I could go for a trip to Aspertia. Maybe I can do some research for the professor while I’m there.”

Wait. The professor.

Cheren was smiling at her response when the dawning realization of her responsibilities decided to creep up on her back once more, and she recalled her sole reason for even being in Driftveil City to start this mess in the first place. The Deerling! She had ran right past the Weather Institute!

“I believe you could. There is a city called Virbank nearby that has a district with some rare Pokemon from other regions in it, as I hear it. I think that will be where we are landing anyway, so—“

“Hold that thought, okay? I-I just realized I forgot something important. I’ll just run back and get it.” She composed a quick smile to cover up her noisy heart, which seemed rather taken with beating in her ears like the orchestra hits of the Unova Symphony. Cheren’s own grin slipped, but she didn’t get to see it as she turned, only catching the unintelligible mumbling he managed to get out in response to her speedy request.

“Wh—bu—Bi—ah, wh-…!”

As she pressed her sore feet against the ground in the direction of the Weather Institute, the nervous grin lost its anxiety as she realized that she achieved her goal. Not confessing to Cheren, or making some huge transformation as a person. But she had gained a descriptive quality, one that had just occurred in front of her, illustrating the truth behind it.

Touko and N and Cheren could keep their “fearless,” and their “ruthless.”

Bianca would settle for speechless.

**Author's Note:**

> I should...definitely be working on other stories. Snap Out of It is so close to being finished and I just...can't muster up the energy to do anything about it? Like, damn. It's unacceptable. Someone yell at me or something. Motivate me. Tell me to get off my lazy butt and JUST DO IT, I don't even care, smh. I'm the one who needs to snap out of it. As far as this thing goes, I wrote it in two days, and it would've been up in a few hours after I started if I hadn't had friends over and played Skyrim for the night. But you know what? This is a completed work! I completed something! (A true rarity of a document if there ever was one in my life)


End file.
